Of course, we have no idea where this bitingly sarcastic comic might have come from. No one we know has ever had this experience.

MDY Advanced Technologies announced that the law firm of Blackwell Sanders Peper Martin LLP selected FileSurf Records Management Software to manage physical, electronic and email documents of record. Blackwell Sanders will use FileSurf and the FileSurf Outlook Email and Document Management System Integration Modules to manage all important legal records throughout their entire life cycle.

Panda Software announced Microsoft Exchange Server 2003 support today for its small business and enterprise suites. The new Panda Exchange Server module uses the latest VirusScanning API version 2.5 for seamless integration for the Microsoft Exchange 2003 platform. Panda Antivirus for Exchange Server now protects inbound and outbound messages traveling through an Exchange 2003 installation in real-time. The new release includes a new version of Panda Software’s antivirus engine that can detect and block malformed email messages that try to exploit vulnerabilities in incorrectly patched email clients.

Stalker Software is going to unveil messaging and collaboration software which will compete with Microsoft’s Exchange Server package. According to ZDNet, CommuniGate Pro 4.1 is designed to replace Exchange on systems while still offering an interface for Microsoft’s Outlook email program.

Fonix Corporation announced the release of Fonix VoiceDial 1.2, a hands-free software application for your Pocket PC Phone Edition device and Smartphone, which enables you to place calls by number or by contact. VoiceDial builds a database of all your contacts. You may easily download your entire Microsoft Outlook contact database to your Pocket PC Phone Edition device.

News.com reports that Microsoft is taking its antispam fight to the Asia-Pacific. Microsoft says it will offer help to Asian authorities in drawing up antispam laws. The upcoming releases of the next-generation MSN, Microsoft Exchange and the Outlook messaging and collaboration client in Office 2003 will include filters to detect spam and verify whether the senders of messages are who they say they are.

UniPress Software announced the immediate availability of its flagship product, FootPrints. FootPrints 6.0 offers enhanced eSupport capabilities with new, web-based remote control and chat tools. Organizations can integrate their service desk jobs and appointments into their Microsoft Outlook or other personal calendars.

News.com reports that United Airlines and Verizon Airfone announced that travelers will be able access the email and instant-messaging service by plugging their laptops into Verizon Airfone handset jacks. Verizon Airfone is using Tenzing Communications as its email service provider. Passengers will need to use POP3, Microsoft Outlook, or Lotus Notes e-mail clients on their laptops.

BorderWare Technologies launched Version 2.1 of its mail firewall appliance — MXtreme. BorderWare has now completed integration of Kaspersky Anti-Virus virus protection software into MXtreme following the announcement of the new relationship with Kaspersky Labs earlier this year. MXtreme provides Web mail capabilities, including a generic service compatible with any email server, and secure services for Microsoft Exchange and Lotus Notes users.

Internet Week reports that WebEx announced WebEx Event Center, an e-meeting service that scales up to 3,000 attendees. Event Center has a number of automated logistics tools including automated email invitations and reminders, automated set up of the event, customized event registration, and integration with attendees’ Microsoft Outlook and Lotus Notes calendars.